This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
