I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize