our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
