sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize