Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
