i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
