worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
