so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
