You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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