just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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