I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
