i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
