I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
