No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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