New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize