Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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