Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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