I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
