she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
