my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
