Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize