I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
