i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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