Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
