I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize