Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
