you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
