You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
