plz talk dirty to me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
only you would photoshop your dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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