How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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