she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
