So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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