there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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