Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
