I CAN MOONWALK!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
