our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
