Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize