This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
