This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am available for nakedness
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
