i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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