I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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