Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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