I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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