DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
