what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize