I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I AM VODKA MAN
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
