Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is wine microwaveable?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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