I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
