Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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