If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
