This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
