Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize