She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
