i wish my penis had a tongue
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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