i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
