Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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