it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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