So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
COCAINE IS GR8
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
