I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
