i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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