No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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