haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
