Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize